The Celebrity Truth

After Perez Hilton was allegedly attacked early Monday morning by the Black Eyed Peas manager Polo Molina, who has been charged with assault over the incident, John Mayer has given the gossip blogger a lesson in life and called on the Twitter community to be nice to him.

Here’s how the conversation went down (in as close an order as we could work out):

John Mayer: @perezhilton‘s video statement is so long that by the end of it his cut healed.

Perez Hilton: That’s real funny! Ha ha! And I’m sure you also think I “deserved” to get hit!

Dude, I get it. I GET IT. But it’s not fucking funny to me. Karma would be me losing my site and going bankrupt or what have u.

Karma is NOT getting punched in the face!

JM: Not true. In fact I’d like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you’ll have the situational awareness not to get in someone’s face.

I also want to train you in an old martial art called “Never Call A Black Dude a F**got Jitsu.”

agreed. So let’s meet up this week and I’ll give you your first krav maga instruction. We’ll break the event down and learn…

1. de-escalation tactics. 2.Creating distance. Instuctives (“get back!” placing the hand out) 3. Combined block and attack….

by understanding the genetics of a violent incident you can learn to avoid them. And if you can’t, you will learn to end them.

this will be the last public mention of it. You know how to find me. Words have cause and effect, even if the effect is wrong.

PH: I can never tell if ur being sincere or not. It doesnt matter. Have Harley email me contact info for this so I can do on my own.

I cant DM u and Im not trying to play this out publicly. B well. I dont wish u harm. I talk shit but I sincerely wish no 1 harm.

JM: from the heart, what you experienced these last 24 hrs is a profound lack of control. You can’t blog the world, my friend.

PH: I totally did experience a lack of control – on the part of Will.I.Am and his road manager! I agree with you 100%!

JM: people don’t want to see you hurt, they want to see you experience something equalizing.

PH: And people DO want to see me hurt. That’s what I’ve been reading over and over again. But it’s cool. I’ll be back 2 normal tomm.

JM: Yah, you’re not getting it… OOH! OK. It’s like the Matrix. You live in the Perez Matrix. You wrote the program, you can fly.

then you leave the Matrix, and oh, what the hell, you’re not gonna get it. You’re a sweet guy though.

PH: Once again, we agree! I live in my own world. And in my world, I would never punch someone. And in my world, that’s illegal!

Also, in my world, if someone repeatedly talks shit about me, I ignore them or TALK as much shit back. But that’s just me.

JM: you might have a gash on your face for a few more days, but the real healing? It’s happening right now.

PH: All I really care about in this world is doing right by my family and my dog, and sharing and listening to music.

JM: now you sit down behind that Tandy computer and you hash out a Doogie diary. Be sure to pause, think, and keep typing.

because today, the fourth wall came crashing down. Mario, you are human. I call upon Twitter to be kind to you. #perezisokbyme

PH: I’m not human! I’m a monster! Good night, John Mayer.

JM: Good night Perez, you dumb shit. #perezisokbyme

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Photo: Twitter.